July 6th,
2007
“Friend”
A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch.
The barman
gives it to him and he gulps in down in one swoop.
"Hey buddy,
you must be having it rough. What’s up with you?" says the
bartender.
"Well, I got home early from work last night and found
my wife and my best friend in bed with each other!"
"That’s
terrible pal, the next drink is on the house."
So the bartender
gives him another triple scotch and again he gulps it down.
"If
you don't mind me asking, what did you say to your wife?"
"I told
her I've had enough and I want a divorce!"
"Good for you! You
said the right thing.
So what did you say to your best
friend?"
"Well, I walked up to him, looked him straight in the
eyes and said, BAD DOG!"
July 2nd, 2007
“Song”
The Penis Song
You're too big to fit in here
too big to fit in here
too
big to fit in here
What a lovely ride
Your penis is a
thrill
Your penis is a Cadillac
A giant Coupe de Ville
Your
penis packs a wallop
Your penis brings a load
And when it
makes a delivery
It needs its own zip code
Nine - double zero
- penis
You're too big to fit in here
too big to fit in
here
too big to fit in here
Your penis is so
strong
Your penis is so smooth
Your penis has got a
rhythm
Your penis makes me groove
Your penis is a dream
The
biggest one I've seen
You're too big to fit in here
too
big to fit in here
too big to fit in here
Your penis is so
big
Your penis is so thick
Your penis is so pretty
You've
got a handsome dick
Your penis is so hard
Your penis is so
large
My body is a movie
And your penis is the
star
"Staring your penis"
You're too big to fit in
here
too big to fit in here
too big to fit in here
July 3rd, 2007
"Swimmer"
This young swimmer from the
Australian Olympic team manages to sneak his new girlfriend, a
gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village.
Once she's inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and
they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic
achievement.
After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both
collapse back on the bed in exhaustion. The girl looks admiringly
across at the swimmer in the dim light. His beautifully-developed
muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven scalp glisten with little
beads of sweat as he lies beside her. She's really pleased to have
met this guy.
At this point the swimmer slowly struggles up from
the bed. He fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours
himself a small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp. Then
he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a surprisingly
energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the other side
and beating his chest like a gorilla. Then he vaults back on top of
the girl and commences a frantic repeat performance.
The Danish
girl is very impressed with the gusto of this second encounter.
Somehow the Aussie has completely recovered from his previous
exhaustion!
After nearly half an hour of wild activity in every
possible position, the gasping male swimmer again crawls out of bed
and swallows another shot of the mysterious liquid. Once more he
dives under the bed, emerges on the other side, beats his chest and
commences to make love all over AGAIN.
The girl is just amazed
and delighted as the action continues at the same blistering pace as
before. In the darkness, she can't properly see what kind of tonic
is causing these incredible transformations, but she sure likes the
effect! More than an hour later, after another repeat of the strange
drinking ritual on his part, and a whole string of ecstatic multiple
orgasms on her part, the Danish girl is now feeling rather faint
herself.
"Just a minute, big boy," she whispers to the
panting bald-headed Aussie, "I think I need to try some of your
tonic!" She rises unsteadily and pours a small shot of the liquid.
She braces herself for some sort of medicinal effect, but actually
it just tastes like Coca-Cola. Then she stands up straight, takes a
deep breath and dives under the bed - only to smash straight into
the three other exhausted members of the Australian relay
team.
July 5th, 2007
"Lovers"
A girl goes into the
doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the
doctor notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on
your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and
he is so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even
when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another
girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices
a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?"
asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of
it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make
love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in
for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M"
on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the
doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"
The Joke Of The Day is taking
a summer vacation. Please check back October 1st.